I want to finish last- last in the word's eyes

My heart is Yours

So I gave my heart away. but thanks to God I have it back. And once he helps me find you... It is yours. well what He doesnt keep :) Love you Wife! Love God more!

What is Love

Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection
Verb: Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):

I know this will take a while but I think I am going to go trough my Facebook and say what I love about my friends. The ones I cant really say anything about I will let go. ... let it begin... tomorrow

Losing what must be lost! I press on till the end.

This blog is a facebook message I had to send to a "friend." so that you can better understand the passion of this message I would like for you to listin to the song I was playing as I went to her page and wrote this letter. Start it at 1:20. It is a song that I love because of a sermon Jam that goes with it. Also please note that it took me almost the whole song to write the letter so I want you read it slowly with passion. as if you know killing part of you will make you better and stronger.

(1:30)

Dear Sierra,
I am going to defriend you. I know you dont care because I am just another guy... not even a good looking one at that. (1:45) I have often wondered if you were really in that much danger on the beach or if you wanted someone new to go clubbing with. It really doesnt matter. You see, you are beautiful. I mean HOLY CRAP! you are beautiful! You are the kinda girl that when a a guy is walking by he stops walking and doesnt care if someone sees him staring. And While I would love to be your friend in real life I will never see you again.
(2:37)
Well that is the part about you. Summed up you are too hot/ down to earth.
(3:07)
Now why I cant even afford to have you as a friend. You see, I want to look at my wife and see her as the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I want her face to inspire me. I want her to be my only earthly love and the reason to want to go home at night. To redefine the meaning of perfect on earth.

I dont know what she will look like. If she will be pretty or not. I really dont care. She will be the most beautiful woman ever. But if I keep defining beauty by  the shallow terms of hair, skin, weight, abs, height, all things you have. then I will never recognize true beauty when I see it. 
 (I wrote a bunch of stuff here but took it out.)
(6:20)
The God given beauty that will fill the hole in my heart that partying,, friends, and facebook have failed to fill. the second biggest hole ever, surpassed only by the one God himself has already filled with Himself. the one that is made for my wife.
(7:10)


Feel free to message me. I doubt you will, but just maybe God wants to use this as a way to give you a new heart. Who knows what He has in store for us both.
(7:45)
I hope to see you in heaven one day. By your facebook, and what tiny amount of time I have been around you I dont think I would if you died right now. I say this only because I too was a sinner. Far greater then you. Christ saved me from my sin, and I am starting to pray for you. Praying that you see your sin and repent. Like I did and continue to do even till the end.

Know you are loved
~  JD AKA that guy who saved you (JK)

(9:10)


Sometimes I wonder If if I do the right things. I know many times I screw up. But I know I had to get away from her. This is the cutting off my hand. Or in this cause losing a friend that I barly even talk to because I am scared to let even a second of the best summer of my life go. As if I will never have fun again.

A Day of Thought

So it has been a good bit of time since I have written to you. It seems like I am falling further behind on my time schedule. I am 24 and unmarried. I am still car less. I don't have the money to go to grad school. It makes you think.
So I ave meet some really cool people in between the last time I wrote you and now. I was talking to a really cool Girl Named Caitlan. She is catholic which is cool but makes me worry about her. Blue introduced me to her and then the same day I want to BCM and got to know her a little. So I took two tests this past Tuesdays. I did ok on one of them. On the other one I dont yet know. I will find out this Tuesday.  Class is going good all in all.

I have hit a rut on my friendships. I am always over thinking everything! I ended up lossing a friend over a pack of cigerettes. What a stupid reason. I dont know how I will ever have friends. I am avoiding FCA because of one person that goes there. Well that and I never feel like I fit in being that I am not an athlete.

I want to tell a girl about how a guy feels about her but I dont want to break her drive. I would want her to be happy. Heck I even had a crush on her at one time. Before Ms. T..... The older crush Now has a crush on one of my housemates. He is just toying with her. It pisses me off. But oh well. Sometimes I wonder if she was supposed to be the one. My mom says that I have missed my first opportunity to find my wife. She said that I will be with her in less then a year. I would say she is a crack pot but it is weird how God shows here stuff. It always seems to come out the way she says.

But the only main point of Hope in my life is that God will use me for His glory even if I suck at life. He showed me the other day how in a baseball analogy. He is the batter. People are either the bat or the ball. God will always hit a homer. If we are saved then we will be used by God to give him glory. IE the Bat. If we are sinners we will still give glory but it is very harsh for us. IE the ball.  It is simple and really cool. But anyway that is all for now. Later Blogger. 

This Movie is SO awful!!!!! The Adjustment Boru .... After watching I must say almost the WORST MOVIE EVER!

Vendetta against Self

Song of the Day

9/3/11
I got up really late due to a late night to bed. The day went well. I went to go see the movie but it was not playing. I found out Brittany's Grandpa passed away. I hope she is doing well. I avoided the house till after the game was over. I went to Clifford's house to play video games. We ate so much dip! it is pepper jelly and cream cheese. After a late night I went to the house. All in all a wasted day.

9/4/11
Wake up late. barely make Sunday School. It was just Half Pint and Myself plus our teacher. Ru was out due to his sister. Church was good. Ms Ann was back. I forgot to count the attendance. After church I went to the room and downloaded some new songs. After putting them on the ipod, I went to t-town. I got my vest and bow-tie. I also picked up some food for Monday. I came back home. I lost all hope for my wife. I all but spat in God's face with this topic. After words I started to realize that I truly needed to start a war, a battle, a blood feud. You see I have the blood of my flesh and the blood of Christ both coursing in this body. They cannot co-exist.  I prayed with Blake. both of us are dealing with lack of trust with God about our wives.  After a lot of HW on my web page I went to bed.

9/5/11
I knew that I was cooking so I got up and started to prep the food. the chicken I prepped the night before.  I also worked on cleaning my room. QT was great today. It was very shallow, but it happened and was with passion. I will memorize more scripture. As part of my Vendetta I fell I must obey Paul and study. I had a hard time getting the grill to heat up but it was really cool outside. You see it had rained for so long today. Oh and like 3 or 4 tree limbs fell right outside our house. But the food got cooked and some of it turned out good. I know I could do better but this was a learning experience. Blue and G came over as well as Ashley. Chris, one of my house mates, ate with us. Blue shared her passion on her women's Bible study. It was great. It has been so long since I have seen that passion in anyone in Livingston, especially myself. I got to tell of JD and how he was my Twin. How he was the last person to make this much fire for Christ in Livingston.  In hindsight it is embarrassing that I have been in the prescience of so many Great men and yet still stand so low. That I am but a child. with little more then street tricks to please a crowd. No more! Why must I go on wasting my life! is a woman all that I want in this world? Are my sights really set so low? It says he who finds a wife finds a great thing....but it also says that God is more valuable then anything including a wife. I have waited too long to be invite into a group. I do not plan to start my own. I will simply be. I will pray daily as long as I can spire that God sends me people to mentor me and to be discipled by me. After praying I will seek the lost. I will look for wise men. these are both things that I need in my life. Speaking of needs.... I am up to about 40 thank you card to send off. I plan on writing them this week. Well it is off to bed. G-nite world.  May we soon meet again. PS Micheal she is far better then you could ever do on your own.

A Day of Sound

September 1, 2011
Song of the Day

Today I met four girls. I highly doubt any of them will be my wife do to the fact that less then two hours later I don't remember but one of their names. Her name was Jasmin. but that is besides the point. today was/is a short day. Mainly because of getting to bed at 3:30 am, I didn't get up till almost class time which is 11am. Oh and since I haven't written till now, I have class with Taylor M. and Taylor B. They are two sophomore girls that gave me a fun nightmare their freshman year.  They would break the rules on a daily basis and yet would always play nice. I wrote them up one time for 4 valuations one time. Thankfully, that was my fifth year when housing really sucked at everything and the girls didn't have to pay any fines.

But back to today.

So after history I went to Operation Management.  I didn't meet or talk to any of the Chinese students. The tall girl was wearing the cursed mini skirt again. Man I wish she would burn that thing. Amy was out of class, as well as Dustin. Class was a boring as they get. After class I called the Bakery to see if they had any taco salad left. As expected, they were out.  I had called like ten times before, but they were always busy, I think they take it off the hook. So since lunch was a fail, I went to the caf. I got several sandwiches and ended the meal with an ice cream sandwich. After lunch, I wanted to go swimming, but no one wanted to go so I just took a nap. Three and a half hours later, I got up and went to FCA to see if I could help with the sound. They were trying to watch the West Alabama VS South Alabama, we lost 20-10 btw.  That turned into a disaster.

You see they had some small speakers that were working.I took the cables needed to plug into the main system, which through many years of neglect has become a piece of junk. So at that point it was load but unclear. Plus it was constantly shorting out. Well ESPN came to the rescue and lost the game. After that I went to Selden Hall to make a ribbon for ovarian cancer. Well it turns out the ribbon was already made so really I just picked one up. After that I headed to the coffee house. Nothing really special happened that night.we just played so MW2 with Miles.

September 2, 2011 Friday!
So this was a fun day.
For starters I woke up just in time to make it to class. After that I went swimming for about an hour. Then Clifford and <y self went to get some dinner. This was weird because I wanted to pay normal price for a steak but the people wouldn't let me pay full price for it. you see I got a card from some friends that gives me a free appetizer if I get two full priced entrees. Well the steak I wanted was on special for like a buck forty less.  So after finally getting that straight, we went to the first UWA soccer game.

While I don't know anything about soccer it is one of the only sports I like to watch. That night we played South Alabama here at UWA. It was a great game. Plus, it had free food. We  won 2-1. But before I got to see the rest of the game I had to leave. A dear friend had locked herself out of her work spot and I had to go help her break into a church member's house. She was stressing something awful. I don't know what was going through her head but she walked like a 2 miles through a bad neighborhood to come find me of all people. But we were able to get her back into the house.

After that I left ad went and grabbed a friend, Clifford. We went out to the a cool spot to find that it had be taken down. made me sad. After this disappointment we went to the painted bridge. We talked about what we wanted to do. After that we went back to his place and played MW2 until I had to leave. Then I went to my room and watched a 3 hour movie. It was alright. Bed till 1pm! :)