My heart is Yours

So I gave my heart away. but thanks to God I have it back. And once he helps me find you... It is yours. well what He doesnt keep :) Love you Wife! Love God more!

What is Love

Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection
Verb: Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone):

I know this will take a while but I think I am going to go trough my Facebook and say what I love about my friends. The ones I cant really say anything about I will let go. ... let it begin... tomorrow

Losing what must be lost! I press on till the end.

This blog is a facebook message I had to send to a "friend." so that you can better understand the passion of this message I would like for you to listin to the song I was playing as I went to her page and wrote this letter. Start it at 1:20. It is a song that I love because of a sermon Jam that goes with it. Also please note that it took me almost the whole song to write the letter so I want you read it slowly with passion. as if you know killing part of you will make you better and stronger.

(1:30)

Dear Sierra,
I am going to defriend you. I know you dont care because I am just another guy... not even a good looking one at that. (1:45) I have often wondered if you were really in that much danger on the beach or if you wanted someone new to go clubbing with. It really doesnt matter. You see, you are beautiful. I mean HOLY CRAP! you are beautiful! You are the kinda girl that when a a guy is walking by he stops walking and doesnt care if someone sees him staring. And While I would love to be your friend in real life I will never see you again.
(2:37)
Well that is the part about you. Summed up you are too hot/ down to earth.
(3:07)
Now why I cant even afford to have you as a friend. You see, I want to look at my wife and see her as the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I want her face to inspire me. I want her to be my only earthly love and the reason to want to go home at night. To redefine the meaning of perfect on earth.

I dont know what she will look like. If she will be pretty or not. I really dont care. She will be the most beautiful woman ever. But if I keep defining beauty by  the shallow terms of hair, skin, weight, abs, height, all things you have. then I will never recognize true beauty when I see it. 
 (I wrote a bunch of stuff here but took it out.)
(6:20)
The God given beauty that will fill the hole in my heart that partying,, friends, and facebook have failed to fill. the second biggest hole ever, surpassed only by the one God himself has already filled with Himself. the one that is made for my wife.
(7:10)


Feel free to message me. I doubt you will, but just maybe God wants to use this as a way to give you a new heart. Who knows what He has in store for us both.
(7:45)
I hope to see you in heaven one day. By your facebook, and what tiny amount of time I have been around you I dont think I would if you died right now. I say this only because I too was a sinner. Far greater then you. Christ saved me from my sin, and I am starting to pray for you. Praying that you see your sin and repent. Like I did and continue to do even till the end.

Know you are loved
~  JD AKA that guy who saved you (JK)

(9:10)


Sometimes I wonder If if I do the right things. I know many times I screw up. But I know I had to get away from her. This is the cutting off my hand. Or in this cause losing a friend that I barly even talk to because I am scared to let even a second of the best summer of my life go. As if I will never have fun again.

A Day of Thought

So it has been a good bit of time since I have written to you. It seems like I am falling further behind on my time schedule. I am 24 and unmarried. I am still car less. I don't have the money to go to grad school. It makes you think.
So I ave meet some really cool people in between the last time I wrote you and now. I was talking to a really cool Girl Named Caitlan. She is catholic which is cool but makes me worry about her. Blue introduced me to her and then the same day I want to BCM and got to know her a little. So I took two tests this past Tuesdays. I did ok on one of them. On the other one I dont yet know. I will find out this Tuesday.  Class is going good all in all.

I have hit a rut on my friendships. I am always over thinking everything! I ended up lossing a friend over a pack of cigerettes. What a stupid reason. I dont know how I will ever have friends. I am avoiding FCA because of one person that goes there. Well that and I never feel like I fit in being that I am not an athlete.

I want to tell a girl about how a guy feels about her but I dont want to break her drive. I would want her to be happy. Heck I even had a crush on her at one time. Before Ms. T..... The older crush Now has a crush on one of my housemates. He is just toying with her. It pisses me off. But oh well. Sometimes I wonder if she was supposed to be the one. My mom says that I have missed my first opportunity to find my wife. She said that I will be with her in less then a year. I would say she is a crack pot but it is weird how God shows here stuff. It always seems to come out the way she says.

But the only main point of Hope in my life is that God will use me for His glory even if I suck at life. He showed me the other day how in a baseball analogy. He is the batter. People are either the bat or the ball. God will always hit a homer. If we are saved then we will be used by God to give him glory. IE the Bat. If we are sinners we will still give glory but it is very harsh for us. IE the ball.  It is simple and really cool. But anyway that is all for now. Later Blogger. 

This Movie is SO awful!!!!! The Adjustment Boru .... After watching I must say almost the WORST MOVIE EVER!

Vendetta against Self

Song of the Day

9/3/11
I got up really late due to a late night to bed. The day went well. I went to go see the movie but it was not playing. I found out Brittany's Grandpa passed away. I hope she is doing well. I avoided the house till after the game was over. I went to Clifford's house to play video games. We ate so much dip! it is pepper jelly and cream cheese. After a late night I went to the house. All in all a wasted day.

9/4/11
Wake up late. barely make Sunday School. It was just Half Pint and Myself plus our teacher. Ru was out due to his sister. Church was good. Ms Ann was back. I forgot to count the attendance. After church I went to the room and downloaded some new songs. After putting them on the ipod, I went to t-town. I got my vest and bow-tie. I also picked up some food for Monday. I came back home. I lost all hope for my wife. I all but spat in God's face with this topic. After words I started to realize that I truly needed to start a war, a battle, a blood feud. You see I have the blood of my flesh and the blood of Christ both coursing in this body. They cannot co-exist.  I prayed with Blake. both of us are dealing with lack of trust with God about our wives.  After a lot of HW on my web page I went to bed.

9/5/11
I knew that I was cooking so I got up and started to prep the food. the chicken I prepped the night before.  I also worked on cleaning my room. QT was great today. It was very shallow, but it happened and was with passion. I will memorize more scripture. As part of my Vendetta I fell I must obey Paul and study. I had a hard time getting the grill to heat up but it was really cool outside. You see it had rained for so long today. Oh and like 3 or 4 tree limbs fell right outside our house. But the food got cooked and some of it turned out good. I know I could do better but this was a learning experience. Blue and G came over as well as Ashley. Chris, one of my house mates, ate with us. Blue shared her passion on her women's Bible study. It was great. It has been so long since I have seen that passion in anyone in Livingston, especially myself. I got to tell of JD and how he was my Twin. How he was the last person to make this much fire for Christ in Livingston.  In hindsight it is embarrassing that I have been in the prescience of so many Great men and yet still stand so low. That I am but a child. with little more then street tricks to please a crowd. No more! Why must I go on wasting my life! is a woman all that I want in this world? Are my sights really set so low? It says he who finds a wife finds a great thing....but it also says that God is more valuable then anything including a wife. I have waited too long to be invite into a group. I do not plan to start my own. I will simply be. I will pray daily as long as I can spire that God sends me people to mentor me and to be discipled by me. After praying I will seek the lost. I will look for wise men. these are both things that I need in my life. Speaking of needs.... I am up to about 40 thank you card to send off. I plan on writing them this week. Well it is off to bed. G-nite world.  May we soon meet again. PS Micheal she is far better then you could ever do on your own.

A Day of Sound

September 1, 2011
Song of the Day

Today I met four girls. I highly doubt any of them will be my wife do to the fact that less then two hours later I don't remember but one of their names. Her name was Jasmin. but that is besides the point. today was/is a short day. Mainly because of getting to bed at 3:30 am, I didn't get up till almost class time which is 11am. Oh and since I haven't written till now, I have class with Taylor M. and Taylor B. They are two sophomore girls that gave me a fun nightmare their freshman year.  They would break the rules on a daily basis and yet would always play nice. I wrote them up one time for 4 valuations one time. Thankfully, that was my fifth year when housing really sucked at everything and the girls didn't have to pay any fines.

But back to today.

So after history I went to Operation Management.  I didn't meet or talk to any of the Chinese students. The tall girl was wearing the cursed mini skirt again. Man I wish she would burn that thing. Amy was out of class, as well as Dustin. Class was a boring as they get. After class I called the Bakery to see if they had any taco salad left. As expected, they were out.  I had called like ten times before, but they were always busy, I think they take it off the hook. So since lunch was a fail, I went to the caf. I got several sandwiches and ended the meal with an ice cream sandwich. After lunch, I wanted to go swimming, but no one wanted to go so I just took a nap. Three and a half hours later, I got up and went to FCA to see if I could help with the sound. They were trying to watch the West Alabama VS South Alabama, we lost 20-10 btw.  That turned into a disaster.

You see they had some small speakers that were working.I took the cables needed to plug into the main system, which through many years of neglect has become a piece of junk. So at that point it was load but unclear. Plus it was constantly shorting out. Well ESPN came to the rescue and lost the game. After that I went to Selden Hall to make a ribbon for ovarian cancer. Well it turns out the ribbon was already made so really I just picked one up. After that I headed to the coffee house. Nothing really special happened that night.we just played so MW2 with Miles.

September 2, 2011 Friday!
So this was a fun day.
For starters I woke up just in time to make it to class. After that I went swimming for about an hour. Then Clifford and <y self went to get some dinner. This was weird because I wanted to pay normal price for a steak but the people wouldn't let me pay full price for it. you see I got a card from some friends that gives me a free appetizer if I get two full priced entrees. Well the steak I wanted was on special for like a buck forty less.  So after finally getting that straight, we went to the first UWA soccer game.

While I don't know anything about soccer it is one of the only sports I like to watch. That night we played South Alabama here at UWA. It was a great game. Plus, it had free food. We  won 2-1. But before I got to see the rest of the game I had to leave. A dear friend had locked herself out of her work spot and I had to go help her break into a church member's house. She was stressing something awful. I don't know what was going through her head but she walked like a 2 miles through a bad neighborhood to come find me of all people. But we were able to get her back into the house.

After that I left ad went and grabbed a friend, Clifford. We went out to the a cool spot to find that it had be taken down. made me sad. After this disappointment we went to the painted bridge. We talked about what we wanted to do. After that we went back to his place and played MW2 until I had to leave. Then I went to my room and watched a 3 hour movie. It was alright. Bed till 1pm! :)

Losing my Way

Sometimes I feel like I am losing my way. Today, was a bad time.

i am my father's son. that sounds like a duh thing to say but it has so much meaning

yet another night i cry myself to sleep

Coming Soon!

An almost epic telling of the trip home, the time at home and How God has been taking over my life! IT involves the cops, a Canadian, enemies, and friends. Check back soon to read this story unfold like t-shirt pulled from the drawer.

One is better

Today I had at least 4 people wave or talk to me before I tried to talk to them. It made me realize that while I may not be missed when I leave, people acknowledge me now.

what sin can i hide from you? nothing escapes your sight.

why do I do the things i hate to do?

It will end...soon.

Maybe......

Beads

So I have one of those bead things that hang in the doorway in my room. I love it when the wind is blowing (aka fan) in my room because it makes it sound awesome. It is really hard to hear but if you're really quiet..... beautiful.

glory to God, Glory to God forever!

A break in Time.

I am swinging by to let everyone know that I have started an new blog dealing with the topic of relationships. I have hidden the blog but will be writing there for a little while. If i had any readers this might be a big deal but since I have at most 2 people reading my blog i am cool with a short break.

A Journey for Purpose: Day 3

Little progress in the last two days. So far everything is still meaningless. I am still in chapter one of my jourrney. I have made a list of thing that I put much emphasis on in my life and compared them to see... that's right--MEANINGLESS!
Hey is a short list:

School
Money
Job
Honors
House
And for sure the number one thing.... Wife

Now don't cut me off yet. I know what your thinking. These things can have meaning. True! But by themselves they do not. They are not what we should live our lives for.



*****************Spoiler Alert*****************







We are to live our lives for the glory of God. All of the thing that i have been striving for in my life can be use to do that but not if they are my focus. The key is to focus on God and the may come or it may not but at least you will be content.

A Journey for Purpose: Day 1

MEANINGLESS!  Everything is meaningless.
So what is the point of this life? .... I don't know, but my goal is to find out....

This Jesus guy is Awesome!

So my church on Wednesday night is going through Ephesians. I missed the first week. The whole time change at the church (not daylight savings) messed me up a little. But I made this past week for Chapter 2 Verses 1-10. To help understand what is going on I went over the first two chapters. In the end, I found what is a duh statement for so many Christians. Salvation is by Christ alone. It is because of Him the we evil gentiles are able to stand in the presents of God. This is mind blowing. Mainly because of how sinful I was when He saved me. I have been saved will be saved and one day will be saved. I don't understand it.... nor will I ever. To help show how I feel about me BC (before Christ) I am adding a youtube link. This is me! I have gone to flesh to make a life. and He called me Home. By Grace I am going home. Soon I will be home.

Redirecting

I have grown to see how worthless my blog has been. It had no focus nor purpose. While I am sure only two people ever looked at it, My blog has not been what I hoped for it to be. It was merely a overflow of my other blog which is my rants and feelings and on the random weekends my fears. That is why I am going to try and redirect this to be on my fight encourage others and my self. I hope to make it almost completely scripture based. For those out there, please pray for this end. I think it will be a little rough at first, But I will by grace alone make it through.

R.I.P. dear friend

So I kinda feel like this is a bad time for this post because of two friends having lost their loved one in real life. But since I have only 2 followers, This is a eulogy to my long loved and already replaced yellow hat.

I remember when I first got you. It was only this past summer. you were always their when I needed you. At first I thought Steven (your real owner) would care if I took you. He seemed to not mind at all. So I would take you to all the fun places-like the beach and to work. You help keep my hair where it was meant to be and made the sun stop inches from my eyes. You gave me my first true fashion statement.  You were there through thick and thin. Through all the times of sweat, heck we even took a few showers together. I must say you knew me better the I knew myself at times. You will be missed. I only wished you could have lasted long enough to see me graduate. Maybe be there for my first date. Hold me upright on my wedding day.  I know you can be replaced. I already have 4 replacements. But You will always be the first. My first true love. My yellow hat.

May you rest in peace.

A Day Wasted

So today I was looking what I have done. and my answer--A lot! However, I have not done anything for the glory of God. I have done a chuck of HW and put in one load of clothes. I have sat in much much drama.
All in all this is a pointless day. But wait! all of this drama has brought about a way for me to suffer for Chirst. I just hope that I have loved for Christ.

Today is ganna be the day

So today I had a fun time hanging out in the tree in my ENO. I had several ffriends try it out as well as a friend chill sit with me. The best part was the nap and prayer time. I was alsoable to read a great Psalm -- 86. I played PS3 for the first time in several weeks. and watched a movie with some friends! A great day. I just Hope JW is doing ok....

To Him Alone!

I spent all night cooking. It was Great. The best part is my dear friend wash almost all the dishes--My least favorite part of cleaning.

I cooked about 80 pancakes.
I did it for Christ Alone. Amen.

What Now?

(Monday)For those who randomly stumble upon my blog, Welcome. I just got through with a life changing weekend. I was a leader for Team Tohar (a group of 7th graders and one random 9th grader) for my churches D-now. The theme was "Hidden" and dealt with the persecuted church. Our theme verse was Hebrews 13:3
"Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body."

Many times I have prayed that the "Lions" would come. I don't have a clue what it means to be persecuted. The purpose of the weekend was to scratch the surface of what is like to suffer for Christ. What this weekend taught me was that I have never suffered! I believe that if a gunman came and put the hot tip of the barrel to my head that i would die for "Christ" yet i do not see a daily suffering. When was the last time I gave up anything for Christ? I know that time should be spent wisely. I also know that I am really bad at misspending my time. The question is what am I to do now? I know I am living a wasted life-- chasing money and things of this world and even good things like a wife (even though my purpose was to use that money and stand next to my wife to the Glory of God). How far will God call me to go? How far am I willing to go?

(Wednesday) I am laughing at myself. The reason... I am so fricking lost that I want to laugh so that I don't cry. Ever since D-now (3 days ago but seems like ages) I have been fighting with sin more then ever before. The worst part is I see myself losing more then before D-now. I feel as if i have been given the battle cry and have run away from the fight. I am in the Word. Yet I sin. I pray yet I sin. "God take this crappy sinful fleshly heart and heart it focus on you!" Why do I do the things I hate!

My only hope to to hold fast to the victory that Christ my wholly, holy savior.

If any of you are in my shoes and have no clue, let me share what has gotten me through.

1. Lots of tears
2. Lots of Bible
3. Lots of Prayer
4. More crying
5. Repentance
   
6. More Prayer
7. More Bible
   
8. Sings like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU
   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW7CD29V4tU

I love life

So I was doing HW when I get this feeling. You know it. Late night hunger! oh wait is anything open? not anything good. so then i think how about going out of town?..... yea, I have an 8 am and 3 things to turn in... what about cooking? everyone is asleep... Wait my parents brought me corncakes. think pancakes but with corn meal instead of flour. They are not the best but with enough honey who can tell.

I hope to make my first batch of test pancakes tomorrow night! Be in prayer everyone about the success of God's Glory being shared with all who come eat at Percy's. it is my hope and prayer to see God work in wonderful ways even if I never get to hear about them.

Well now back to HW
:(: ~ the difference from happiness and sadness is all how you focus on life. Which set of eyes are you?



Song of the late night. Three ring ragout. google it. it is not on youtube as far as i can find.

2:22

So i am laying in my bed with Her running my head. Have you ever wanted to be of free of what your mind chooses to see. It is keeping me awake, this thought i can not shake. what am I to do? should I tell you how I feel about you? I don't feel this is the time, Why do this post almost rhyme. does my bed not know it is bed time?

Some days I hate my Mind.


I am sorry, this was written out of complete rage. I was at the point of going to run (WS, you should really know about how mad I was.). It was a post trying to get the things clogging my mind out. I hope it will never happen again.

We win some and just cling to Christ for the rest.

Well due to an insane day do not have much of Value to say. I worked out again. I did a lot of close to or over due work. I am about to finish a Take-home test. and then make some study guides.
I didn't get to memorize much more today. In fact I did not get to it. I pray God will give me grace to find time before bed. I got another $18 dollars today. It is awesome to see God providing for me on a daily basis. "give me this day my daily bread" takes on a whole new meaning.

Well i am about to take that test and then bed.

Remember, God is the one who gets all glory.

CG

Mind and Body

Today I worked to learn Psalm 1:1-3
I learned 1:1-2 and had 3 down half way.

1) Blessed is the man who
walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of the sinner,
nor sits in the seat of the scoffer;
2) but his delights in the law of the LORD,
and on His law he meditates day and night.
3) he is like a tree planted by the streams of water that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.

I, by the grace of God, worked on my prayer life, and spent time away from where I wanted to be so as to flee from lust. Praise be to God for by His grace I am growing for His glory!

I also worked out with a friend, just a said in the other post of my GHOST or man, to start discipline my body for Godliness. I am 309 lbs starting out. I will be faithful to give God, my workout inspiration, all glory for my weight loss.

While I am just starting this journey of Godliness, I will press on to the goal. Thou my death will come before the medal, I will always run. And on the days I can run no further, He will carry me.

To God be all glory,

Grace and Peace

CG

Carried to the Table

What a great thought to think that We can be with God when we would never deserve to be there.



Any, I am kinda new to this Blog for other to see thing. Feel free to follow and see where we end up at.